Assalam alleikumwarahmatuallahi wabarakatu.am stayn wid ma mother and ma daughter but ma mother loves ma others sisters kids more dan mine we always have fight bZ off of dis situation plz would like u to help me what to do.i was thinking to go leave alone widout my mom but shes old .and i dnt want to leave her but no peace.what should i do.help

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

Sorry to read about your situation. May Allah help make things better. Unfortunately there is little we can do about how our parents treat us. The best that you can do is be patient and treat your mother with love and kindness regardless of how she treats you, similar to the way that some parents treat their selfish and unloving children with love even if the children do not deserve it.

Work to maintain a close relationship with God through such acts as daily Quran reading as this can be a great help in giving you the contentment and motivation to always act according to what is good and right.

Best wishes inshaAllah.

All fathers do a lot for their daughters even after they get married. In our culture it is a way to keep respect of ur daughter at her in laws. But my father didn't even give me dowry and now he doesn't even give a penny after marriage. Even if I tell him u humiliate me in front of my in laws by doing this. He says I'm not his duty anymore. I despise him for this. am I wrong or my father? can't I despise him for this and all of his other agonizing treatments that he has done with me and my mama?

I’m sorry that your father is like that. It is true that legally he is not required to give you money (since you have a husband now), but it is highly dishonorable for him to think that this means he can just forget about your needs.

You are free how you think of your father, and you are not required to control your feelings toward him. You are only required to not cut ties with him, to be as respectful as you can be when dealing with him, and to do what you can for his welfare (whether he deserves any of these things or not). Consider these things acts of charity that God will reward you for (inshaAllah). If you feel he doesn’t deserve these things, that makes the charity even greater.

Best wishes.

Is it forbidden to not talk to my father for the rest of my life? I haven't seen or talked to him in 7 years and me and family are better off without him. He's unreliable and has shown no interest in any of ours life even when he was here. The first only reason him and my mother were even married was because it was arranged.

Sorry about your situation. Unfortunately that is forbidden. We are not allowed to cut ties with blood relatives, it is one of the major sins the Quran warns us against many times. You can try to be polite and dutiful even if you don’t have any good feelings toward him. You may be interested in this previous answer: Is it sinful in Islam to not love your parent?

Salam, My parents are seperated, when I see my dad and he takes us places or buys us food I'm pretty sure his income isn't halal so I feel awkward about letting him take me and my siblings places and paying for us, is it wrong if I let him (I've tried to raise it with him he just says Allah will understands and dismisses it… :/) jzk

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

It is permitted for a child to benefit from a parent’s income that is a mix of halal and haram, as discussed in this previous answer: The income of a father who works in a usurious bank

Assalamualaikum, what advice would you give someone who has an emotionally manipulative and narcissistic mother? I don't feel natural feelings of love towards her because it's clear to me that she doesn't like me. And when I need to help her with things it's not with a positive feeling, and that makes me sad because we are meant to honour our parents. But it is very hard when you know there is no love underneath any parental duties she is obligated to do for me.

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Sorry to read that. I would say do what you know to be right towards them and don’t worry about your feelings. We can’t help how we feel toward others. But we can be dutiful and kind regardless of how we feel. 

Please see the 25 articles on this page on my site for many answers to questions similar to yours: Dealing with parents in Islam

Best wishes.

Assalamualaikum. I had a general question regarding what is required of us in terms of our duty to our parents. I am in a situation where I am in a certain career path basically only because my parents want me to be. I'm doing well enough in it, but I'm always stressed and tired from the work and lately I've really been feeling that this isn't the career I want for the rest of my life. If I quit though, I would definitely be upsetting my parents and going against their wishes. (1/2)

I know we should be as obedient, and kind, and dutiful to our parents as possible but in this situation, would it be a sin for me to disobey my parents by switching career paths? I’ve been feeling really lost lately. They’ve sacrificed a lot for me and I don’t want to let them down but I also don’t know if I am capable of continuing in this career. (2/2)

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Islam asks us to “humor” our parents the way our parents humored us when we were children, so that even if sometimes they are unreasonable or make unnecessary demands we should try to go along with it rather than asking them to be reasonable.

But we are not required to become slaves to their demands. You are a person just like they are, and the relationship should include compromises from both sides. So you have every right to switch career paths and good parents should empathize with your wishes and put your happiness first.

If you abide by their wishes, then it will be an act of charity toward them and God can always reward you amply for that. And if you do what you want, I’m sure God will not blame you. So Islamically the choice is entirely yours. You are not required to spoil your parents by always doing what they want, just as parents are not required to spoil their children.

1/x Salam. No matter how hard I try to change my heart, I just don't have a good relationship with my parents. There are things that I end up saying and doing, that they don't like, and likewise from my point of view. But I never try to do it out of spite. My parents have always been really focused on work and we never really show affection to each other. Like I can't even remember the last time we said I love you to each other. Is it wrong of me to always want to be away from them?

2/x I’ve always wanted to move away from them. I know it sounds really bad, but how can anyone stay in a household that’s built on just tolerating each other? What should I do besides pray for the best?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

That’s all perfectly natural. Try to be thankful that things are not worse, and try to accept your family situation as it is, with all its imperfections. This is where God wants you. He could have given you a perfect family if He had wanted. The challenge is to maintain an open heart, and to do your duty as best as you can, and to be more kind and generous than those around you deserve it.

Salam, the Prophet PBUH said there is reward to leave an arguement even if you are in the right, so when My mother tried to argue with me about giving food to the cat (that would otherwise go in the trash). It was v late at night and she was increasingly getting angry and I repeatedly said I will not argue and when she did not stop I went outside until she stopped yelling. Now she is not talking to me. This behaviour, especially in Ramadan is upsetting. Did I act wrongly by walking outside?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Not arguing does not mean stopping in the middle of the argument while holding onto your own position. The other person will still feel like you are arguing, since you are not ending the argument just pausing it, and they can feel insulted by that. Leaving an argument means to put a quick ending to it in a polite way, and this usually means giving in to the other person’s position. The point is to sacrifice your own desire to win the argument and make the other person feel like they have won. If they do not feel like that, then the argument has not ended.

So the right way to have dealt with your mother in the situation you mentioned would have been to either let her win the argument or reach a compromise that satisfied her.

Best wishes.

Salam, I am an unmarried woman and a single child. To what extent do I have to financially provide for non-elderly parents who live way beyond their means? When they are elderly, am I expected to continue to pay for their self-imposed financially unsustainable lifestyle? Finally, if I were to become a housewife, how would financial support to my old parents work since I'd have no income and am an only child? Thank you for your time!

There are differences of opinion on the financial responsibility of a daughter toward her parents. Al-Shāfiʿī says the duty only belongs to sons, not daughters, while Abū Ḥanīfa says the duty is equally shared between sons and daughters.

The responsibility is only according to your own ability and according to your parents’ need. If they can survive without your help then anything you give to them is charity; it is not strictly a duty. If they live beyond their means, you do not have to support this but only give them enough to survive on unless you want to be generous.

If you marry, your duty is only according to the amount of money you personally have. If you have no income then you are not responsible for supporting them. However, you still have the duty of caring for your parents within your means, and if your husband would be willing to support them if you ask for it, then this is something that maybe you should look into.

Your first duty is toward yourself and your family (husband and children). Parents come after that.

Source for a daughter’s financial responsibility toward her parents:

• Fatwa from the Qatari Fatwa Authority (Arabic PDF)

I don’t have a great relationship with my parents. How can I improve it?

I believe the best way is to achieve a high character and a selfless, generous and forgiving attitude. Dealing with people when having such a personality will naturally make them like you more. So work on yourself first and constantly ask for God’s help and guidance and inshaAllah your relationship with your parents will start to improve.

For more on becoming a better Muslim please see: Guides on Becoming a Better Muslim

Asalam aliekum my mom is not nice to my grandma, should i support my mom or my grandma.what does islam say on this, please reply as family is going through lot of stress

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Sorry to read about your difficult situation. The Quran says:

As for those who believed afterwards, and emigrated and struggled with you—these belong with you. And as for family members, some of them are nearer than the others in the Book of God. God is Cognizant of everything. (The Quran, verse 8:75)

The above verse and others and hadith narrations all tell us that our duties toward family members increase with their degree of closeness. So you have a greater duty toward your mother than your grandmother.

But the Quran also says:

O you who believe! Stand firmly for justice, as witnesses to God, even if against yourselves, or your parents, or your relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, God takes care of both. So do not follow your desires, lest you swerve. If you deviate, or turn away—then God is Aware of what you do.

So we should try to balance our duties toward family members with our duty toward truth and justice. If your mother is unjust to your grandmother, do your best to avoid supporting her in this injustice. And if it is more just to support your grandmother, do it in a way that avoids upsetting your mother. Try to keep good relations with both of them (which I know can be difficult when you have to make a choice between two relatives).

assalamu aleikum, my situation is a little difficult, i dropped out of school a few years back because of my immaturity and ignorance and now finally after a difficult year i have a chance to go back but my father seems reluctant, he always dismisses me when i mention it and i fear that he will try to stop me. there is no point trying to discuss with him, he’s stubborn and always thinks his way is the right way (like a lot of controlling fathers) i am trying hard not lose hope but im going down-

-the vicious spiral of sadness and despair i went through last year because of it, i don’t know what to do because i’m supposed to go back soon and he is unpredictable. do you have an advice for me? thank you

Sorry to read about your difficult situation. I cannot think of any easy solution for it. You just have to be patient. Maybe find out if your relatives (such as your mother, aunts and uncles) can help in persuading him to let you go back to school. And if you are not able to attend school this season because of his refusal, things may change in a few months and you may be able to attend next season, or next year. Try to make the best use of your time regardless of whether you end up going to school or not, such as by reading a lot of books. If you have a desired field you want to get a university degree in, you can start studying for it now. Some universities allow people to get a master’s degree without having a bachelor’s degree if they can show that they are extremely well-read in their field. You can start studying as if you are studying for a master’s degree, collect books in your field, and read studies in open-access academic journals.

Best wishes.