IslamQA

IslamQA: Are failed relationships due to qadar or predestination?

My qs is regarding qadr. A woman has 4 broken relationships 2 engagement and now her 2nd marriage which is in doldrums. Everytime she desperately wanted it to work out but some mistakes she made n some were misunderstandings. She tried to hold on to the dying relation but it slipped outta hand eventually. For instance her current marriage is with a man who lives in a war torn cntry. For 2yrs they tried to meet but due to his financial circumstances he couldnt leave his countryn kids. He has 3 kids frm previous marriage. This time he told her that if she dint giv him money he will not be able to meet her for long time. She dint refuse but dint outrightly commit saying u can try for a loan frm ur cousin etc thinking they d discuss more n eventually she d agree to give him altho she had been telling him she d help cos he was in dire need. He accepted a job in his country n says now he will never leave it bcs he has gone thru v bad financial situation now he wont loose this chance of job. She begs him that she ll give him the money but he doesnt trust her n doesnt wana leave the chance of a job. She dint realize that just after telling her that he wont be able to com he wud go ahead n take a job. She dint kno wat he meant by saying he wont b abl to come for long time.This kind of situation happened one time previously too wen he dint get money frm her due to misunderstandings n went back to his country for a yr. She's a genuinely goodhearted person but due to these failures she lives a life of guilt. She regrets not understanding the situation n making mistakes again n again n now thinks she wont get any more chance. Some ppl told her if it was in ur qadr the relation d hav been successful n these small misunderstandings wud hav been corrected by God if it was meant to be. Pls pls reply as shes living in depression

As discussed in other answers on the Islam and Predestination page, God does not force our choices on us. God decrees the future for us based on our present choices, and as we move into the future and make more choices, God continuously updates His decrees regarding us. Nothing can happen without God’s knowledge and approval. But the more pious we are, the more He will make sure that things go favorably for us.

I believe your friend should put her trust in God, knowing that He has the power to completely change her life for the better. Her past failures have been lessons and can help her become a better person. By rededicating herself to God and always relying on Him, and by avoiding sins, she can inshaAllah have exactly the kind of life she desires.

IslamQA: Is it permitted for a woman to go on umra without a mahram?

Mahram for umrah In ur mahram achives u have mostly given references of hadith regarding hajj which is fard and has to be performed but what abt voluntary umrah. If a woman wants to perform umrah frequently with any female friend or relative will it be halal? Secondly in ur mahram hadith research u quoted a distance of 3 days and nights. If done on camel it wont exceed 100 km which is much less than distance frm many countries. Lastly assuming umrah w/o mhrm isnt permitted will dua made at such umrah with ikhlaas also be not considered for acceptance??

The general scholarly opinion, as discussed in the previous answer, is that if a woman’s safety is ensured, then there is no restriction on how distant or for how long she can travel without a mahram. Therefore if she is in the company of good and trustworthy people then there is no issue with her going on umra without a mahram.

IslamQA: Is it wrong to judge a friend for their behavior?

I found out my best friend (for quite some time) had an affair. It was VERY physical and Also used to consume alcohol. My friend lied to me. I got really hurt. I know if i confront, my best friend would justify it by saying that it is not my issue it's their life. Apart from all that my friend is a narcissistic personality. My friend has been through a lot. Parent's death, depression, family issues… Alot. Am i a bad person for mistrusting and judging a friend? I heard a story about a king. His most beloved horse fell terminally ill, so his servants had to give him alcohol as cure to save his life. After the horse got better, the king never rode that horse again. All this makes me wonder if i should sever ties with my friend?

There is no issue with having an accurate view of your friend’s behavior and dealing with them accordingly. If they prove to you that they are untrustworthy then there is nothing wrong with dealing with them with more caution.

As for severing ties with them, it’s best to remain on good terms with them and do what you can to improve them. Be a good influence in their life without preaching to them. For more on this please see: What is there to do if you suffer because someone you love is far away from God?

Best wishes.

IslamQA: Dealing with someone who doesn’t pray because he thinks he has enough good deeds already

Al salam alikom i have a problem with my brother he doesnt pray and im trying to tell him to pray but he told me that i already did alot of good deeds so im sure im gonna go to jannah and i responded and told him he will get punished on every thing he did wrong knowingly such as not praying but he told me that in the judgment day if i have 50 good deeds and 49 bad deeds i would enter jannah without punishment which i know is false but i couldnt respond because i didnt have 100% proof that is correct so brothers and sisters if anyone knows how to respond to my bros argument

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Performing the prayer (salah) is one of God’s rights on us. Ignoring this right is an act of rebellion and a major sin that as far as I’m aware cannot be erased through other good deeds. Nothing will make up for not praying. So a person who doesn’t pray risks receiving God’s wrath, and even if they give away the whole world’s wealth in charity that may not be able to make up for a single intentionally missed prayer.

You may also find this answer helpful: What is there to do if you suffer because someone you love is far away from God?

IslamQA: Dealing with parents who favor their other children

Assalam alleikumwarahmatuallahi wabarakatu.am stayn wid ma mother and ma daughter but ma mother loves ma others sisters kids more dan mine we always have fight bZ off of dis situation plz would like u to help me what to do.i was thinking to go leave alone widout my mom but shes old .and i dnt want to leave her but no peace.what should i do.help

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

Sorry to read about your situation. May Allah help make things better. Unfortunately there is little we can do about how our parents treat us. The best that you can do is be patient and treat your mother with love and kindness regardless of how she treats you, similar to the way that some parents treat their selfish and unloving children with love even if the children do not deserve it.

Work to maintain a close relationship with God through such acts as daily Quran reading as this can be a great help in giving you the contentment and motivation to always act according to what is good and right.

Best wishes inshaAllah.

IslamQA: Dealing with a toxic family

Assalamualykum Dear Brother, Allah says that family is a great trial. I have been living in a toxic family environment for some time in which my sisters and mother do not get along. In this situation, I love them both, and it hurts me in a deep way when they fight and I can do nothing at all to make the situation better. I try my best to stick to the commands of Allah and have made constant dua regarding this situation. What should be the response of my heart? Am I too attached to my family members or is patience the only solution?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

I’m sorry to read about your situation. May Allah make things better for you. Unfortunately there is often little that we can do about how others, including our family members, behave. The best we can do is be patient. Something that helps greatly is to have a close relationship with God, such as through daily Quran reading. This helps detach you from worldly concerns and enables you to always act according to what is good and right regardless of how others behave.

May Allah bless you.

IslamQA: Is talaq (divorce) valid if the husband hasn’t paid the full mahr?

Akhi Does saying talaaq 3 times together make it valid even if the husband hasnt paid the full mehr?

The triple talaq counts as only one talaq according to the opinion I prefer, and it may not even count at all if it is not done at the correct time. Please see my answer: Triple talaq (divorce) counts as only one talaq

I cannot find anything on whether having paid mahr or not affects divorce. As far as I can find that has no relevance, but the husband must pay the full mahr whether they divorce or not if the couple have been sexually intimate.

IslamQA: How to calculate the last third of the night for performing tahajjud

When is the correct time to pray tahajjud? Where I live fajr is at 6 so I pray it an hour before. How exactly do we work out last 3rd of the night?

From what I understand, the last third of the night is calculated this way: If the time between the isha prayer and the fajr prayer is nine hours, the last three hours of these nine hours would be the last third of the night.

Note that if it is more convenient, you can perform tahajjud (more commonly called qiyam) before going to bed. You can even perform the same kind of worship during the daytime, though it would not exactly be tahajjud, but inshaAllah God will still reward you amply for it. See my essay: Mysticism without Sufism: A Guide to Tahajjud, Islam’s Meditation Practice

IslamQA: What does it mean that everything is from Allah? Does it include evil?

وَإِن تُصِبْهُمْ حَسَنَةٌ يَقُولُوا۟ هَٰذِهِۦ مِنْ عِندِ ٱللَّهِۖ وَإِن تُصِبْهُمْ سَيِّئَةٌ يَقُولُوا۟ هَٰذِهِۦ مِنْ عِندِكَۚ قُلْ كُلٌّ مِّنْ عِندِ ٱللَّهِۖ According to this verse from surah an nisa everything is from Allah. Then why is it said that good dreams are from Allah n bad ones from satan? Not just for dreams, for other things too its said. Thanks dear brother

Everything is from Allah in the sense that this universe is like a video game maintained by God. Nothing can ever happen inside this game without God making it happen. This universe would be like a lifeless ball of steel, with nothing ever moving or changing, if it wasn’t for God changing it moment by moment and in this way creating what we call “time”.

But God is not the only actor in this game. God and all beings with free will are actors. So while nothing can ever happen unless God makes it happen, the reason something happens can be either God or another agent. So when a murderer shoots someone, it is God who changes the positions of the atoms so that the murder can take place. But the reason the murder happened was the murderer’s choice. So God changed the universe from a state in which the murder had not happened to a state where the murder had happened. But the murder only happened because of the murderer’s choice.

Think of it like playing a video game that’s controlled by a higher power. You can issue commands for your character in the game to do certain things. But none of your commands will have any effect unless that higher power puts your commands into practice. So you can command your character to do something, but it will only happen if that higher power takes your command seriously and allows it to happen.

So Satan can inspire certain thoughts in us, but Satan has no power over the universe. Satan can only wish, and God either allows those wishes to have an effect or not. Satan is the reason for the bad inspirations, but they would never happen unless God actually allows it to happen and changes the universe to a state where it happens.

For more on why things are this way see my essay: Why God Allows Evil to Exist, and Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

IslamQA: Did God forgive Adam for disobeying Him?

bro prophet Adam (as) was forgiven or punished?I know that Adam AS was created to b sent as khalifa on earth but this verse of Quran: get down [from the Garden to the earth] some of you being the enemies of the other, and there is on the earth your abode and the necessities [of life] for a time”The tone indicates displeasure On other hand Quran says Adam asked for forgiveness.We know Allah accepts repentance. So were they punished or forgiven?do v hv to bear consequences even after forgiveness

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله I’m the same anon who asked the question about Aadam (as). One reason i wanna know if we have to face consequences of our mistakes n sins even after acceptance of tauba. Pls add this to my prior post / qs. Id be very thankful if u replied. Thankyou for ur consideration.

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Adam (as) was forgiven by God, but God had planned to put him on earth if he disobeyed. So Adam’s forgiveness had no effect on the plan that God had for him. And yes, I believe our sins can have consequences even if we repent and are forgiven. But we must always think the best of God, knowing that in His wisdom, knowledge and mercy He can always turn the seemingly bad consequences into a great blessing. Adam went from an innocent and unburdened human to a true saint who was able to worship God in difficult circumstances rather than in Paradise, so it can be considered a great blessing, especially since his mistake made it possible for millions of similar saints to exist after him.

I fully agree with Imam Ibn al-Qayyim when he says:

Satan rejoiced when Adam (peace be upon him) came out of Paradise, but he did not know that when a diver sinks into the sea, he collects pearls and then rises again.

IslamQA: What kind of jewelry material is halal for men?

Salamu alaikum, brother. I want to ask what kind of jewelry material is permissible for a man to wear? For example, are palladium and rhodium permissible to be used for a wedding ring and for a man to wear it on his finger? Thank you.

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

It is only gold that is forbidden to men. All other elements are permitted as long as they are not mixed with gold.

References:

Followup Question:

Thank you for the answer, brother. Also, this is a follow-up question for the jewelry material. Does forbidding gold applies for the white gold, as well?

Yes, it applies to everything that has the chemical element gold (Au) in it. White gold is just gold mixed with nickel, silver, or palladium usually.

IslamQA: Islam and nationalism

Asalam Alaikum❗️ Do you have any advice on how to not be a nationalist? Sometimes I feel too proud and have too much love for my country and culture. I feel it is wrong, since I should only be that proud of islam and being Muslim, alhamdulillah 🤲 But sometimes I just forget, and idolize my culture and country too much astaqfiruAllah. In shaa Allah any advice brother?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

I don’t really feel that anything good can come from nationalism. I think the best way to avoid such feelings is to focus on your soul and your relationship with God, knowing that regardless of your country and lineage your soul is exactly like everyone else’s soul, and its only superiority can be through how pious and virtuous you are. I recommend doing what is necessary to be really close to God, such as by reading the Quran for an hour every day, and inshaAllah that will make it easy to forget about nationalism.

IslamQA: How to overcome guilt over major sins such as committing zina (sexual activity outside of marriage)

Assalamualaikum. I have a question. I committed zina once but I am really ashamed of it, regretted it and have made taubah prayer. I know that Allah will forgive sinners if they really mean it but how do I live with knowing that I have committed this sin?? I just can’t take this out of my head and I feel like I am always a useless being for having done so. And I feel embarrassed because of that to even do good deeds. Does a sinner like me even have a place to see Allah?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

The Prophet PBUH says: “A person who repents from a sin is like one who has not committed the sin.” I understand your guilt and I believe the best way to overcome it is to try to be an extraordinary Muslim from now on, such as by reading the Quran for an hour every day for the rest of your life. You can also promise God to do a significant extra act of worship for Him, such as giving away $10,000 in charity in small amounts, or performing 1000 rakats of extra prayers (in units of two), doing as many as easy to do every day whether during the day or night. You could also start fasting every Monday and Thursday until you have performed a certain number of fasts, such as 100. You can also commit to seeking religious knowledge, such as by reading all of Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim. InshaAllah these things will help ease your guilt. 

Best wishes inshaAllah.

IslamQA: Is it permissible to eat meat cooked alongside pork?

As salamu alaykum brother. I am spending Christmas eve with the family, and the typical Danish Christmas dinner is pork roast and sometimes duck; we have both. Because of it being time and space consuming my mum will only be making one gravy - mixed, which I can live with, I just wont have any. But is it a problem the duck and pork is roasted in the oven right next to each other ?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

That’s not a problem as long as the oil from the pork does not spatter on the duck, so it depends on how your mother is roasting them. If one or both are in covered containers or aluminum foil then inshaAllah there will be no issue.

Also you can buy vegetarian gravy from sites like Amazon.

IslamQA: Keeping up the motivation to pray during cold weather

It's really hard to pray in this cold weather. Any advice how can I keep up the motivation to offer prayer?

Reading Quran daily will probably help keep up your motivation. Performing the prayer is one of God’s rights on you. You cannot ignore it without risking losing God’s blessings and protection. If you wish for His making your life easy and granting you success, then performing the prayer is essential to having such things.

IslamQA: Can Muslims go to church and listen to the prayers?

Can Muslims go to church and listen to the prayers?

It is permitted to visit churches to attend lectures or events, or to just see the proceedings, as long as you do not participate in the Christian rites yourself. Ibn Abbas actually used to perform the Islamic prayer (salah) at a church.

References:

IslamQA: On overcoming dislike for family members and relatives

Assalamualaikum. I need your opinion about something. I have a big family and we have certain members that we're not a fond of because of their characters and things that they did. It's very hard to forget because it really hurt and disappoint us. And I know that we should have mercy on people like Allah does to us. So is there anything that I can do to let it go all of these feelings and treat people kindly no matter what they have done. Jazakallahu kheir.

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Your personality is made up of two elements. You have a soul that wishes to treat everyone with kindness and forgiveness. And you have a brain that has memories of the past wrongs they have done you and that resents them for that. Unfortunately there is little you can do about how your brain responds to people, because it has its own instincts and thought processes. We often find ourselves in situations where our brains are in conflict with our souls. We just have to do our best to force ourselves to be nice and kind regardless of how we feel.

Something that helps greatly is to be close to God. After an hour’s Quran-reading I feel that I am able to treat people with a clean slate without worrying about what they have done to me in the past. This of course requires daily work, because we always go back to our normal instincts if we ignore the work needed to maintain a strong relationship with God.

Best wishes.

IslamQA: Does Islam ask us to sacrifice good sleep and productivity for worship?

Brother Allah has made the night for rest & day for work. If a person gets up during the night for an hour or so for tahajjud its natural that during the daytime he 'll feel sleepy and not be as productive. He wont be able as alert in the daytime and his day-night schedule will be unbalanced. Please explain how to reconcile these two.

People during the time of the Prophet PBUH used to sleep for a number of hours in the afternoon, so in this way they got a healthy amount of sleep during the 24 hours. But you are right, if you stay up to pray then it can affect you negatively the next day. Personally I’m very sensitive to bad sleep and I can barely get anything done the next day if I don’t get my 8 hours of sleep.

I don’t think there is any virtue in ruining one’s sleep and productivity for the sake of worship. What matters is to make the effort to do extra worship in whatever way that fits your schedule.

IslamQA: Is supermarket cheese halal? How to find halal cheese

Assalamualaikum what is your preferred opinion on whether cheese is halal or haram? I've read online that during the manufacturing process rennet can become mixed in with the cheese and therefore it is doubtful? It's very hard to confirm with companies if that happened and also I read one opinion that said the companions ate cheese made in the traditional way and there was no problem with it, but I don't know how authentic or valid that is. Jazak Allah khairun

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

According to many great scholars (such as Ibn Taymiyya) rennet is halal regardless of whether it has been taken from an animal slaughtered in the Islamic way or otherwise, because the rennet is not an organ of the animal but an independent organism. The only controversial issue is whether rennet from pigs is halal, some say it is and some say it is not.

The safest choice is to eat only vegetarian and kosher-certified cheeses, both of which are halal. Vegetarian cheese is made from milk like any cheese but does not use rennet. Here is a long list of cheese brands that are vegetarian and thus halal. Whole Foods brand (365) and Kroger brand cheeses are vegetarian.

Wal-Mart’s brand (GreatValue) uses pork ingredients in its cheeses according to some sites, so that is best avoided.

References:

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