The answers on Hawramani.com are based on the research of Ikram Hawramani in the Quran, hadith, scholarly works and respected fatwa sources. You can view Ikram Hawramani's credentials on the about page. Please note that we do not issue fatwas, we only compile the opinions of respected scholars (even when a fatwa is not explicitly cited) to make their opinions accessible to English-speaking Muslims. If an answer does not cite fatwas, please feel free to leave a comment asking for a fatwa citation and we will update the answer as soon as possible to include fatwas.

IslamQA: On overcoming dislike for family members and relatives

Assalamualaikum. I need your opinion about something. I have a big family and we have certain members that we're not a fond of because of their characters and things that they did. It's very hard to forget because it really hurt and disappoint us. And I know that we should have mercy on people like Allah does to us. So is there anything that I can do to let it go all of these feelings and treat people kindly no matter what they have done. Jazakallahu kheir.

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Your personality is made up of two elements. You have a soul that wishes to treat everyone with kindness and forgiveness. And you have a brain that has memories of the past wrongs they have done you and that resents them for that. Unfortunately there is little you can do about how your brain responds to people, because it has its own instincts and thought processes. We often find ourselves in situations where our brains are in conflict with our souls. We just have to do our best to force ourselves to be nice and kind regardless of how we feel.

Something that helps greatly is to be close to God. After an hour’s Quran-reading I feel that I am able to treat people with a clean slate without worrying about what they have done to me in the past. This of course requires daily work, because we always go back to our normal instincts if we ignore the work needed to maintain a strong relationship with God.

Best wishes.

My work is made possible by your kind donations. Donate securely via Stripe (no registration required):
And God knows best.
Asking questions is temporarily unavailable. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Commenting rules: Politeness is the only rule. We respect your right to disagree with anything we say. But comments with profanity and insults will be deleted.
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments