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IslamQA: Wanting to be good but having bad instincts

I have a sort of personal question i feel like by nature im a very bitter and harsh person i cant help but hv cruel thoughts while im never willfully malicious to ppl i always have the urge to very mean and antisocial it makes me feel very bad and i try to be nice but i feel so fake knowing that im not a genuinely big hearted person i hate feelng jealous i know its a sin but i cant help it i want to know how can i work on these negative feelings so i dont hv them anymore

You are not your instincts. If your instinct is to be harsh and cruel, then with a good soul you can override these instincts and be good and kind regardless of how you feel. That is what God rewards us for; to struggle against our instincts and have a high character regardless of our feelings.

You are a good person with bad instincts. We are all like that, it is just different people have different bad instincts. The goodness of your soul is what matters; live in your soul, connect with God and control the animal part that all of us humans have. This is the greatest and most important struggle in life; to be better than your instincts.

I recommend reading the Quran daily (an hour a day if you can), it is the most helpful thing I have found for developing a high character and correcting character flaws. The Quran shows us all of our weakness and sees through all of our illusions and excuses and forces us to face the reality of our shortcomings so that we can improve them. The Quran is exact opposite of a safe space or comfort zone, it is an arena where your character will be tested and will be made to grow and mature.

Best wishes.

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