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IslamQA: Child lied to parents about finishing college

(Part 1) Assalamualaikum, I need some advice. I failed my first year of university and had to repeat it. Alhamdullilah I passed and am continuing with my education now. My degree was 3 years but now it's 4. However I didn't tell my parents, are rather strict and negative minded, also always complain about my older brothers struggling with finding jobs or eduction. CONT.

(Part 2) And I didn’t want to hurt or disappoint them. I planned to take a course of another subject privately. So I just told my mother that I will be taking an extra year of university and also studying Law. Does this mean I lied to her? Sorry if this is a difficult position to answer for.

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Yes, that is a lie. Most of the time it is better to tell the truth even if it upsets people, because that upset can be a cause for them to mature and improve as they try to deal with the difficult facts. So it is likely that you parents would have been spiritually better off if you had told them the truth (even if it was to make them sad and upset for a while).

But since you had good intentions, then God is likely to forgive it if you ask Him for forgiveness. It is best to try to tell them the truth as soon as possible and tell them that you did it because you did not want to upset them. Living a lie is highly damaging to your soul and your relationships with others even if materially it supposedly helps avert a problem or conflict.

The best solution I can think of it is to try to have a close relationship with God (as I discuss here). Once you have this connection with God, your heart will tell if and when it is the right to tell them, and it will also give you the courage to do it and face the consequences, since a close relationship with God helps make worldly problems and fears appear small and insignificant.

Best wishes.

And God knows best.
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