6 Islamic articles on: Islam and friendship

Table of contents for the topic Islam and friendship
  1. Is it wrong to judge a friend for their behavior?
  2. Should you visit a friend who suffered a loss if you fear it will burden them?
  3. Best friends and soulmates
  4. Having friends who make fun of Islam
  5. Her friend is too involved with her male colleagues
  6. Dealing with betrayal and slander from friends

IslamQA: Is it wrong to judge a friend for their behavior?

I found out my best friend (for quite some time) had an affair. It was VERY physical and Also used to consume alcohol. My friend lied to me. I got really hurt. I know if i confront, my best friend would justify it by saying that it is not my issue it's their life. Apart from all that my friend is a narcissistic personality. My friend has been through a lot. Parent's death, depression, family issues… Alot. Am i a bad person for mistrusting and judging a friend? I heard a story about a king. His most beloved horse fell terminally ill, so his servants had to give him alcohol as cure to save his life. After the horse got better, the king never rode that horse again. All this makes me wonder if i should sever ties with my friend?

There is no issue with having an accurate view of your friend’s behavior and dealing with them accordingly. If they prove to you that they are untrustworthy then there is nothing wrong with dealing with them with more caution.

As for severing ties with them, it’s best to remain on good terms with them and do what you can to improve them. Be a good influence in their life without preaching to them. For more on this please see: What is there to do if you suffer because someone you love is far away from God?

Best wishes.

IslamQA: Should you visit a friend who suffered a loss if you fear it will burden them?

Selam! I wanted to ask something. A family member of my friend died and i dont know if i should immediatly go to her and visit or let her get trough it for a little while? I few friends of mine are going to her right now but i just think i should let her sort things with her family instead of burging in right after she lost someone. But im scared that i'll look like a horible friend. I dont know if its like a norm to do go or not. What should i do?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

I think the best thing to do is consult your family and friends about what to do. While it is good that you do not want to impose on her, it may be taken the wrong way by her and by others. So it may be best to go with your friends even if you personally think that leaving her alone for a while might be better. Visiting her with your friends cannot do any great harm, and later you can always tell her that you thought about not going in order to avoid burdening her and she may like you more for that.

IslamQA: Best friends and soulmates

Brother, is there such thing as a best friend? I'm the type of person who thinks that I only allow myself one best friend, but after a few failed friendships, I'm starting to believe such thing never actually exist. Was it because my previous failed friendships? And also, is it true that soulmate can be in a form of a best friend? Thank you very much for listening and hopefully responding to me.

A best friend is just a good friend that you prefer over your other friends. Some people believe that soulmates are assigned from birth. My own view is that all souls can be soulmates if they are pure and selfless. There is no reason why a best friend cannot be a soulmate.

IslamQA: Having friends who make fun of Islam

I have friends who are not muslims. Sometimes they make fun of islam and we go into discussions but i feel like sometimes they just want to insult muslims. 2 of them are atheists and another one is a christian. They ask the same questions/claims repeatedly but always jump from one question to another before i can fully answer. Maybe they dont really care about the answer. It hurts when they make claims about the prophet and allah and other muslims. Are they wrong to do this or am I just lacking?

Your friends lack good manners and it would be best to find more civilized friends even if it was not a religious issue.

The Quran says:

He has revealed to you in the Book that when you hear God’s revelations being rejected, or ridiculed, do not sit with them until they engage in some other subject… (From the Quran, verse 4:140)

The Quran therefore recommends that you avoid such people. Make it clear to them that you will avoid them if they bring up Islam with the aim of making fun of it, and if they continue, then stop befriending them.

IslamQA: Her friend is too involved with her male colleagues

Assalamualaikum, please I need your help! My best friend has too many male friends from her college, she talks to them and sometimes goes out with them. She knows it's wrong, but whenever I speak to her regard this she tells me "we work on the same college projects together", but she talks to them as friends, not just as her team members! I don't know what to do with her. Any advice, please?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

It appears from your description that she is simply not religious enough to care, and if that is so, then her behavior is just the expression of a deeper ignorance or impiety, meaning that the problem you mentioned may be part of a bigger problem with her understanding or loyalty to her faith.

The thing that could help her most would be to involve her in beneficial activities, for example encouraging her to go with you to a sisters’ halaqa at a mosque. Trying to change a specific behavior does not usually work. But helping her become more involved with Islam through meetings, lectures and so on can affect every part of her life.

My advice is to never make someone your “project” where you try to improve them, that is not a proper attitude to have toward a fellow human. People like to freely reach their own conclusions about how they should behave. At the end of the day nothing you can do will change her unless she decides to change by herself.

IslamQA: Dealing with betrayal and slander from friends

So I've shared a secret to a friend and said to her she shouldnt tell anyone especially not to person xy.. so what she did was exposing me infront of this person and told him/her everything what I said (the secret wasn't about the person I just wanted to make sure she don't tell it anyone).. she also told other person about it who weren't involved in it.. she blocked me on social media etc.. all this people are talking behind my back and everyone ignores me and possibly hates me for it..

These people are Muslims.. I’m so depressed these days.. can you say what should I do and is this a sign in form of punishment by Allah swt say because of my sins? I’m so confused and sad about it. They won’t listen to me.. I even apologized but they ignores me.. please help me!

All of God’s prophets were lied about, ignored and attacked by their societies, just because it is happening does not mean that it is a punishment. Perhaps it is preparation for something better that will come. Perhaps it is there to help you see who your real friends are and who the shallow and selfish ones are.

God is your protector. Always remember this verse:

That is because God is the protector of the faithful, while the evildoers have no protector. (The Quran, verse 47:11)

If God is your protector, then nothing that happens around you can possibly harm you, even if from appearances the thing is hurtful and upsetting. God is your protector, seek to please Him and forgive and forget those who wish to hurt you.