As would be expected, the admirable people at reddit jumped into action and quickly made this post disappear, since it is outside the bounds on public discourse set by them for the benefit of peasants like us lest we should think too deeply and reach unpolitically correct conclusions.
Reddit, being a neo-Marxist-owned-and-operated site (Condé Nast), continues the admirable Marxist tradition of managing narratives and stamping out dissent. Ban people like it is 1917!
I expect these ideological dinosaurs to be widely recognized for what they are within the next ten years.
(The /r/news forum on Reddit is one of the “default” forums run by the company for the benefit of the benevolent billionaires who own our media and politicians.)
This is a follow-up discussion in regards to what I wrote in Dealing with a porn addiction.
Brother I understand that you answered that question as best you could, no one should be shaming you because you are offering advice that you could have easily ignored. However I would just say that to just mention how women may backbite was insensitive and unnecessary. Imagine all the stigma us sisters face on a daily basis, everyday we have certain brothers telling us what we should and should not be doing whilst they engage in haram activities. (1)
So imagine when someone asks you about porn addiction that has nothing to do with women backbiting, and even then we are bought into it, I’m sure as an understanding brother you can see. Tomorrow if someone has a problem yet I say “Don’t worry it’s less of a sin as millions of Muslims especially men, don’t grow their beards to the proper length, you are no worse than them”, look how insensitive that seems. I hope I have not offended you brother, it is our duty to guide with kindness and openess
Thank you for your kindly phrased message. I understand what you are saying, and I’m sure you are right when you say you have suffered unjust criticism.
I have never considered women a class, like feminists imagine, separate from men. I consider them humans, my equals, and hold them to the same standards. I don’t walk on eggshells when I discuss men’s problems, and I will not start walking on eggshells when discussing women’s problem’s.
I consider you my equal, and that means we both should be free to speak our minds. You shouldn’t be silenced if you have a truth to speak just because it may hurt some men’s feelings, and I shouldn’t be silenced if I have a truth to speak just because it may hurt some women’s feelings.
It is certainly good manners to not bring up negative facts about someone in ordinary daily interactions. You do not call an overweight person fat even if it is true.
But if I’m trying to solve a technical problem, I expect people to put their feelings aside, to sit down like adults and to discuss the problem rationally, and that is what I was doing in my answer.
If I’m doing a scientific study on finding ways to reduce backbiting among women, would you call it insensitive? I’m sure many would, that it is somehow oppressive and unjust to focus on females, that if I discover a method that works well in preventing females from backbiting, I should shove it under the carpet in case some woman’s feelings is hurt, even if it will do them good in the long-term.
We cannot have progress if we are not allowed to speak our minds freely, if we have random no-go zones where we are not allowed to analyse things in case it hurts this group’s feelings, or that group’s, or that group’s. That’s censorship and regression, that’s not progress.
It is like saying I should not talk about the unhealthy effects of being obese because it will hurt obese people’s feelings. Should we just throw out all obesity-related research in case some obese person comes across it and has their feelings hurt?
I was helping put a mostly-male problem into perspective using a mostly-female problem, as an intellectual exercise. I consider women equals, not superiors and not inferiors, but equals, humans to be treated with the same standards, not to be treated like children, but treated equally, like I would treat any man, and I certainly never worry about hurting men’s feelings when I bring up facts that reflect negatively on them.
If men are unjustly criticizing you, I fully support your right to fire back at them and put them in their place. I defend your right to speak your mind. And I defend my right to speak my mind. We are not enemies, and we are not different species. We are both humans, and we can treat each other as such.
We do not achieve equality by enforcing double-standards where a male speaker is not allowed to say certain things in case it hurts women’s feelings. We achieve equality when no one thinks about their own sexual parts but can consider the problem and its solution rationally, like adults. The speaker says men have a problem with ignoring their wives? Fine, I will try to be a better husband. The speaker says that women have a problem with ignoring their husbands? Instead of getting offended that a person of the opposite sex is pointing out a fault, women can choose to benefit from it, “Fine, I will try to be a better wife.”
This is equality, where I am not forced to treat you like a “woman”, but like a human, and where I do not patronize and belittle you by censoring my speech in case it hurts your fragile feelings, but where I can treat you like I treat any man, expecting you to be intelligent and confident enough to accept it and roll with it.
These are my standards when it comes to public speech. In private one-to-one interactions, it is good manners to hide people’s faults, to not criticize, and to make them feel good about themselves. But in public, for example if I’m doing a scientific paper studying women’s psychology, I will not sugarcoat my findings just because it may hurt women’s feelings, in this case telling the truth takes precedence over being nice.
And as a nice person, I will never mock an obese person by calling them fat, and I will not let others do it if I can stop them. But I will happily continue researching the eugenics of obesity (how genes affect obesity, and how obesity affects future genes) like I currently do no matter how many obese people are offended by it.
In the same way, I will continue to be frank and straightforward when writing about women, since in my research writing, truth always takes precedence over being nice. But when dealing with women in my personal life, I will always be as kind, gracious and uncritical as is required by good manners, civility and Islam.
A reply from a reader
I feel you were wrong in saying that women do more backbiting. Not saying it is in itself true or false ( I really dont think they are any reliable studies) but I think it was completely unnecessary to say it the way you did. You could have said simply that many Muslim backbite it would have been enough. No need to drag women into it. Im not attacking you or anything just saying there might have been a better way to go at it.
If I were a woman and jokingly mentioned that fact, I don’t think anyone would be bothered. The only reason that it is “wrong” is that a male said it. And if I had mentioned a fact that reflected negatively on men, not women, I don’t think anyone would be bothered.
I have never bought into the Western nonsense of treating women like children to be pampered to. I like to treat them like my equals, which means that I speak my mind without bothering what type of sexual organs my listeners have. I consider you all the same, we are all humans.
So no, I don’t think I did anything wrong. Having a porn-watching problem is a mainly male problem, and having a backbiting problem is a mainly female problem. I have heard many women agree with both of these facts. Mentioning both problems together is a very useful intellectual exercise to help put the problem of porn-watching into context.
If I had mentioned a positive fact about women, you wouldn’t be upset. You are thinking like a politician, “he said something negative about my interest group without belonging to said group, which makes it automatically wrong.”
What you really want to enforce is that all men should be able to talk about women, as long as they stick to mentioning positive facts, as long as they maintain a parallel-reality of cotton candy and fluffy bunnies where no woman’s feelings can ever get hurt.
I prefer to speak my mind freely, and I prefer to treat women like adults. I never worry about hurting men’s feelings in my research writing / answers, and I will not start worrying about hurting women’s feelings.
If you disagree with this, that’s your right. I, however, will continue to be as I am, focusing on serving God, and having my allegiance only to truth. If people’s feelings get hurt when I mention a fact like how unhealthy obesity is or how Indians can never compete with the Chinese in innovation, at least not for the next 500 years or so, I’m sorry. I will never mock someone or say any truth that may hurt their feelings in private interactions. But on my blog, where I want to teach and guide people, I will speak the truth, and I will not self-censor my speech like a politician.
If this is unacceptable for you, if you’d like me to hire someone to review everything I say in case it may be considered discriminatory to one of a dozen interest groups, then you are in the wrong place. I have always been a free-speech and anti-Political Correctness activist.
You are right that I didn’t have to bring women into the discussion. It was a perfectly voluntary act on my part.
My mother and sister have a sense of humor and the last thing they would do would be to get upset over what I wrote. I think they have got things right. I treat all women like them, intelligent and confident in their femininity. And if I ever say something stupid or unjust, they will not let me get away with it but will correct my mistake, the way a man would do.
Of course, I won’t go around speaking negative things about women saying that they have to deal with it. That’s like calling overweight people fat, it is rude even if it is true. As I said, in private interactions, I do what good manners, civility and Islam require of me. And in my research writing or answers, I write frankly without bothering who gets offended.
I encourage you to open your heart, to see how an innocently made remark done in good faith and with the intention of helping someone should not be criticized just because a person of the wrong sex said it. Stop thinking like a Western politician and more like a fair-minded Muslim with a sense of humor.
You could say that context matters, that in that particular context it was wrong for me to mention women since I have many female followers whose feelings could get hurt. I disagree. It is my personality to be frank in my writing and to treat women the way I treat men, considering them really my equals instead of patronizing them by treating them like a protected minority.
The nice people at Reddit, in their ceaseless effort to protect the usurer class from the West’s white peasants, chose to remove the following comment and ban the user who wrote it.
It is time we stopped letting corrupt-to-the-core billionaire usurers control our media. Hopefully their fascist-style efforts to control the nation’s thoughts and opinions will only hasten their demise.
In these troubled times, it’s imperative on all men and women of good will to support Reddit, CNN, NYT, and other billionaire-owned outlets in their ceaseless work to protect us by prohibiting free speech wherever they can. It is not our rightful place to talk when our beloved, charismatic, well-educated and well-meaning billionaire usurers at the NYT and Condé Nast offices can do it all for us. Why do we need to get out of line and ruin the fun for everyone?
The following was posted by someone on Reddit, but the censors there did not like it, therefore I’m posting it here for posterity. It is a good herald of the coming death of feminism/post-modernity. I have made some spelling corrections, but everything else is as it was, with no censorship. I do not like the many swearwords it contains, but it did not feel right to censor them when my purpose for putting it here is to save it from censorship.
The usual answer is “Because I don’t want to get assraped in the inevitable divorce”
But I’m afraid of the bit before that.
I’m afraid that “our ” wedding will be all about you and my role will consist of “Shut up. Pay up. Get yelled at.”
I’m afraid that after you’ve had your dream wedding and you find yourself having to deal with day to day reality, it will end up being my fault that you’re not living happily ever after.
I’m afraid that I will gradually stop being the guy you love and want to spend the rest of your life with and turn into the room-mate you can barely stand but you keep me around for the heavy lifting and helping to pay the rent.
I’m afraid that you will take marriage advice from your mother and her friends, all of whom will tell you that being nice to your husband is fucking stupid and you shouldn’t bother. I’m afraid that you’ll not wonder why your father is so miserable…
I’m afraid that you will “accidentally” slip up on birth control and I’ll end up with children whether I like it or not. ..But when you’re the size of a house and fed up, I’ll be “the bastard that did this to you.”
I’m afraid that the first words my daughter learns will be “Isn’t daddy stupid?”
I’m afraid that you’ll yell at me for not doing enough with the kids – but every time I try, you show up to tell me that I’m doing it wrong and “why are you so useless?”
I’m afraid that once you’ve got the children you wanted, your libido will fall off the edge of a cliff.
I’m afraid that sex will stop being a special moment between us and become something you use to keep me in line, only deployed when I’ve been a good dog.
I’m afraid that “our” home will fill up with your family and your friends, all of whom will treat me like I don’t deserve to be there.
I’m afraid our relationship will consist of me trying to keep you from yelling at me.
I’m afraid that I’ll be continually expected to support you and care for you and prove how committed I am – and in return I’ll get drama, nagging and continual reminders that I’m useless.
I’m afraid that you’ll spend the entire marriage telling me that my opinion is worthless and then bitch when I don’t immediately come up with an answer to whatever drama you’re moaning about.
I’m afraid that any display of insecurity or feeling down will be met with a terse “Oh man up” and subsequently used to beat me over the head for not being a real man.
I’m afraid that every time I’m sick your way of proving how much you care is to make snide comments about man-flu and bitch because I’m lying around doing nothing.
I’m afraid that any time I get time to myself, you’ll be right there with a honey-do list or some little job that needs doing right now, just to make sure I never get chance to relax.
I’m afraid that no matter what I do, there’s always something else that’s making you pissed off.
I’m afraid that I’ll gradually end up losing my hobbies, interests, opinions, friends and as many of my possessions as you can throw away when my back is turned. And you’ll then bitch at me for being “Boring”
I’m afraid that I’ll wake up one day and realize that I’m paying for a house that isn’t my home, full of shit that somebody else wanted, kids that are being raised to treat me with contempt and a life that consists of “work. eat. sleep.” Correction. “Work. Eat. Get moaned at. Sleep.”
And of course there’s always the possibility that after I’ve tried to give you everything you wanted, you’ll decide one day that my services are no longer required and I’ll find myself in a bedsit, piss-poor and wondering what happened to the last ten years of my life.