I don't know where to crash and I think you're the one I could trust on this matter. I was in the brink of depression and don't know what to do to figure out my future. I quit university and went back home in 2016 and months ago found someone who asked to marry him, to which I agreed. I told my parents, they gave their blessings. Something happen months after and I broke his proposal that ended up canceling the marriage. I told my parents and them to my siblings and one of the big family 1/2
And I found out that all this time my parents are hesitant to give their blessings, for the man who asked for my hand (before he even got here and meet my parents) sounds suspicious, no matter how good I explained to them. We haven't met, but the thing that got me cancel the marriage is the uneasiness I've been feeling right after me and my parents went to my mother's older sister to tell them of the news and ask for their blessings. My aunt said things that offended me, some kind of I'm 2/2
Some kind of like I only want to get married to get away from my situation. My older sister also knew what my aunt said to me and she said that I'm not decent enough to get married. I know myself enough to think if I'm reasonable enough to get married. I took the decision because I have prayed tahajud one night and asked for a way out, and thought maybe marriage would change my current state. I was devastated, and I wonder if my decision that I based off of my gut feelings is justified? 3/4
I canceled my marriage out of the uneasiness I felt in my gut feeling. I felt like my family would look down on and despise me after having such decision. The man also asked to rush the marriage and promised to take me on an overseas honeymoon, but he himself delayed the appointment to meet me and my parents in my country many times, to which made my Dad doubt his commitment. Some of his attitude while chatting bothered me too, so that's also the reason why I broke his proposal. 4/4
Pardon me it got long. I intended to make a 2/2 ask, but ended up 4/4. Hope you don't mind reading it. I need your point of view about it. Thank you very much for taking your time. Bless you.
That is a complicated situation and I cannot really give any specific advise. I recommend that you wait patiently until your situation changes or a better suitor appears. I know it can be difficult to be patient when you feel stuck in your situation and wish to escape it, but keep in mind that God can change your situation in an instant if He wished. Realize that God is in charge and that nothing happens without His approval. Rather than trying to seek an escape from your situation by making major life decisions like marriage, seek the escape from God. He can grant you the best possible solution when the time is right. Dedicate yourself to Him and try to always have a close connection with Him and leave it to Him to take care of your future. Try to be content and find useful ways of spending your time and stop worrying too much about the future.
Also please check out these two essays:
Islam and Depression: A Survival Guide
Best wishes.