IslamQA

Answers to questions on Islamic topics. Ask a Question.

Father wants to prevent them from going back to school

assalamu aleikum, my situation is a little difficult, i dropped out of school a few years back because of my immaturity and ignorance and now finally after a difficult year i have a chance to go back but my father seems reluctant, he always dismisses me when i mention it and i fear that he will try to stop me. there is no point trying to discuss with him, he’s stubborn and always thinks his way is the right way (like a lot of controlling fathers) i am trying hard not lose hope but im going down-

-the vicious spiral of sadness and despair i went through last year because of it, i don’t know what to do because i’m supposed to go back soon and he is unpredictable. do you have an advice for me? thank you

Sorry to read about your difficult situation. I cannot think of any easy solution for it. You just have to be patient. Maybe find out if your relatives (such as your mother, aunts and uncles) can help in persuading him to let you go back to school. And if you are not able to attend school this season because of his refusal, things may change in a few months and you may be able to attend next season, or next year. Try to make the best use of your time regardless of whether you end up going to school or not, such as by reading a lot of books. If you have a desired field you want to get a university degree in, you can start studying for it now. Some universities allow people to get a master’s degree without having a bachelor’s degree if they can show that they are extremely well-read in their field. You can start studying as if you are studying for a master’s degree, collect books in your field, and read studies in open-access academic journals.

Best wishes.

How to make sure wealth does not make you distant from God

Assalamualaikum, Allah swt tests one with what he has given him, Allah swt has given me a lot. How can I make sure I'm not failing my tests? Despite doing whats Obligatory I always feel like I'm failing. Perhaps because of my frivolous worldly interests outside of Islam. Any advice?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

My recommendation for those who want to be extraordinary believers is to try to perform an extra hour of worship every day, especially reading the Quran. One should read it with the aim of understanding it and embodying its teachings in one’s life. If you an achieve this hour of daily worship and do your best to embody the Quran’s teachings, then I would say this is guaranteed to keep you in a great spiritual place constantly. There is no way to remain spiritual without constant, daily work. The life of this world always takes us away from God on a daily basis and we need to exert daily effort to constantly go back to Him.

For more on the extra hour of worship please see my essay Mysticism without Sufism: A Guide to Tahajjud, Islam’s Meditation Practice

He had sex with another man’s wife, the husband wants to kill him now

Asalam aliekum,I had a sexual relation with a married woman and now her husband wants to kill me or asks for huge amount of money which i can't never get to pay him for the crime i did. Please tell me what should i do.

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

I doubt you can fix that situation by yourself. You should get other people involved, such as your family, his family, your local imam, people in your extended family who have a high social standing and who may be taken seriously by that man, and maybe the police if you fear for your life. That man has no right to take the law into his own hands, both according to Islamic law and secular law. If there is to be a legal solution, it will have to be decided by a judge, imam, or other members of society who can perform this job.

You may also want to check out this previous answer: How to repent from zina (sex outside of marriage)

Best wishes.

Why do so many people in the West wish for death?

Assallamualeykum! Nowadays, people (especially young adults) have a strong desire to die. They hate this world, and those people are not always muslims. What could be the reason for their wish to die when they don't even know what expects them after death? they have absolutely no ambition. I can't say that they are in a high spiritual level either. however, some of them seem to be pretty self-sufficient. how can a person be self-sufficient possessing a hatred inside himself at the same time?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

What you are describing is depression, and can be caused by genetic or environmental factors. A depressed person may be unable to think positive thoughts and to take joy in life, so they can become indifferent whether they live or die. People who are blessed with never having suffered depression can mistakenly think that it is negative thoughts that lead to depression. The reality is that it is the depression that causes the negative thoughts, and if the depression is cured, the negative thoughts will go away automatically.

For more on depression and its causes please see my essay Islam and Depression: A Survival Guide.

 

Is forgetting the Quran a curse from God?

Assalamo Alaikum..So I have been worrying about some thing for quite some time now and I am really afraid.. I was talking with a friend the other day and told him that as child I used to remember lot of verses from the Qur'an but now in my early 20s I have forgotten most of those verses..My friend told me that it is an Adhab(curse) from Allah and I'm really worried about it..What should I do?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

It is a common belief of the scholars that God rewards the pious by enabling them to spend more time in worship, acquiring knowledge and studying the Quran. The idea is that the closer you are to God, the more knowledge of Him and His religion you will have, and the more distant you are, the less knowledge you will have and the knowledge you used to have will disappear or have no benefit. From this perspective, forgetting verses you had memorized can be considered a punishment for being distant from God, that is what the “curse” means.

It is for you to judge whether you are more distant from God than you used to be. If that is really the case, then you can easily correct matters by re-dedicating yourself to Him. My essay God has not abandoned you has a plan for achieving this. Apart from these considerations I wouldn’t worry about any supposed curse.

Her intended is being forced by his family to marry someone else

Assalamu Alaikum. The brother who wanted to marry me had issues with his parents accepting me as they wanted him to marry his cousin. We remained patient and kept making dua asking Allah for help. Those parents have now forced him into a marriage with his cousin. Although there is no Nikah they are now “engaged”, even though he did not attend. He does not want to marry her but he is afraid he will lose his family over it so he accepted it. I feel devastated. Is this Allah’s decree? Can it change

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Sorry to read about your difficult situation. May Allah make it easier.

Everything in life is God’s decree. God is in charge and He can prevent anything from happening if He wishes. Whenever something bad happens in our life, it is always with God’s awareness. There is a deep lesson in this; God allows bad things to happen to us in order to shape our character. We could not prove our faith, patience and dedication toward Him if nothing bad ever happened in our lives.

Anything can change. Just because something bad seems to be about to happen does not mean that it will happen. And whether it happens or not, it is always God’s decree because nothing escapes Him. There is really no solution to your situation. Some things in life make us suffer greatly and there is no escape from the suffering. We just have to accept it, wait patiently and see what happens. Submit to God, knowing that He is in charge, and leave it to Him to take care of the things in your life that you have no power over. You never know what may happen a few years from now. What causes us great suffering now may be the beginning of a process that eventually gives us great happiness down the road. God can always arrange for you to marry a better person at some point if and when He wishes.

Please check out the following essay in which I discuss in more detail how to deal with such situations:

The Road to Maturity: On Dealing with Life’s Unsolvable Problems

Best wishes.

Her family prevents her from practicing Islam

Salam, my family claim to be Muslim but unfortunately have a bad lifestyle and mindset (no religious practices whatsoever) however I am not like that and if I choose to cover my awrah, my mother seems to get very upset at this situation, she says if I were to put on the hijab, she would disown me. So I hide all my thoughts, I hide praying, I hide going to the mosque, I hide how much I am into my religion because she is the opposite and always argues with me about this. Would you advise me please.

That is a a difficult situation to be in and I hope things will get easier for you. One thing you could try is to gradually increase your practicing of Islam so that she has time to adjust to it. Maybe you could start praying without trying too hard to hide it. She may get used to the fact that you pray regularly and may stop complaining about it.

Just because she says she will disown you if you wear the hijab does not mean that she is really prepared to do that. You could do your best to dress modestly, and perhaps wear a cap outside that hides most of your hair.

If necessary, you can wait until marriage to start practicing Islam fully. God does not ask you to bear more than you are able. Try to seek a balance between practicing as much of Islam as you can while keeping conflict with your family at a bearable level.

Best wishes.

Is it forbidden to call a woman a goddess as a compliment?

Is it haram to call a woman a goddess as a compliment?

Since it does not mean that she literally is a goddess, it is not exactly blasphemy. But it is still not a good thing to say since it borrows pagan imagery, which is not pleasing to God. Rather than thinking of things in terms of halal versus haram, think of whether they are pleasing to God or not. The things that are haram are clearly defined and most people know them. But there are many more things that are technically halal but not pleasing to God.

Some can argue it is haram since it contains a pagan meaning. While others will argue it is halal since the intention is not a pagan intention, and the Prophet says, “Acts are [to be judged] by their intentions.” (From Sahih al-Bukhari Book 1, Hadith 1; Sahih Muslim, Book 33, Hadith 222)

How to be compassionate, and on acting compassionate without feeling it

Assallamualeykum! Could you please explain how the human compassion works? How does a person gain it and how he loses it? What could be the factors? How to recognize it? Thanx in advance! I trust your point of view which is always interesting and wise.

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

Part of human compassion is built-in genetically. We are naturally predisposed to be kind toward those who belong to our family and tribe. There is also compassion that is not built-in but that comes from the soul. For example when we see someone who has wronged us in the past suffer and ask us for help, our human psyche can take pleasure in their suffering (we think they deserve it) and we may dislike to help them. But a person with a good soul can override all of these human instincts and act kindly and compassionately toward them even though the person does not deserve it.

The soul of a very spiritual person tries to embody the attributes that God teaches us to embody, the attributes of mercy, compassion, generosity and selflessness. These attributes come from God and the soul can mirror them. In this way it harmonizes itself with God regardless of worldly desires and impulses. What is called a saint is someone who reaches a stage of near-perfect harmony with God, so that their actions and manners come from a different world, the world of the soul, rather than material world. When others are cruel, he or she can be kind even if they feel the impulse of cruelty. When others are selfish they remain generous. Their actions come from a soul that is in harmony with God, rather than coming from their instincts and desires.

Reply from the questioner:

Regarding the question I asked before (about the compassion) , is a person considered compassionate, if the person tries to act with a mercy towards people even if the person doesn't feel so? I'm asking this because I think that actions should always be sincere and from heart. But then, I don't feel any compassion neither to my family nor to people. But force myself to act so. Does this make a person compassionate?

Being compassionate when you feel like it is good, being compassionate when you don’t feel like it is even better, because it means your soul is transcending your instincts out of a sense of duty toward God and humanity. ʿUmar b. ʿAbd al-ʿAzīz (the “fifth” Rashidun caliph) says:

The best good deeds are the ones that one has to force the ego to perform.

If you are choosing to be compassionate, then that is sincere even if you do not feel compassionate. It is only insincere if you act compassionate in order to appear compassionate to others. If you are compassionate out of a sense of duty then that is perfectly sincere whether you feel it or not.

As for feeling more compassionate, part of it has to do with your brain chemistry. A person who is severely depressed will feel emotionally numb and unable to feel compassionate emotions toward others without any fault of their own. Another part may have to do with having an open heart, which can be achieved through having a close connection with God (such as by performing an extra hour of worship every day as I explain here).

In Islam how are we meant to deal with death of a loved one?

In Islam how are we meant to deal with death of a loved one?

The death of a loved one is one of life’s “unsolvable” problems and can either lead to spiritual maturity or immaturity depending on how we deal with it. I have an essay on dealing with such situations: The Road to Maturity: On Dealing with Life’s Unsolvable Problems

Best wishes.

Are there misogynistic stories in the Quran?

assalamu alaykum, I do respect the Quran very very much! Lately though, I've found my heart a little disturbed by the notice that in most valuable stories, the women are usually the targets for the men to start sinning.. I know it is the devil's wrongdoings which makes the man kill, steal, cheat etc. - it just happens to be that the woman is the leading cause in most stories. How can I deal with this knowledge? Aren't women worth more than to teach a lesson? Peace be upon you!

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

I have seen no such pattern in the Quran. In fact I cannot think of a single story that fits that description except the story of Joseph. If that story makes women look bad, it is counterbalanced by the story of Mary some chapters later; the whole chapter is named “Mary” in her honor.

If you will mention specifics then I will be happy to answer.

Reply:

Hey, so I wanted to name some specifics regarding the display of women in the Quran. One story would be about Qabil & Habil (sons of Adam) and the beautiful versus ugly sister. Another would be of Marut & Harut, the angels sent to eart who were good judges but started sinning after seeing a beautiful woman. Another would be of Barsisa, where the monk should take care of the little sister but starts to have sinful thoughts... to name few, but thanks for your answer!

The Quranic version of the Qabil and Habil and Harut and Marut stories have no mention of women. The Barṣīṣā story is one of the Isrāʾīlīyāt, stories transmitted from ancient non-Muslim sources that are inherently unreliable.

So the things you refer to are not in the Quran. They are in commentaries and hadith narrations that are associated with the Quranic stories and that are inherently unreliable unless they are marfūʿ (directly transmitted from the Prophet ) and multiply-transmitted (heard by three or more Companions). Almost nothing in these stories matches such a standard.

If you keep to the Quranic versions of these stories then you will find none of the misogynistic themes that you referred to earlier. As for the non-Quranic additions to the stories, skepticism toward them is always necessary unless they match the highest standards of hadith transmission (which they almost never do).

Is nikah engagement or marriage?

Isn't Nikkah actually a marriage? If nikkah is dissolved, isn't the couple going through divorce and the woman has to observe the iddah? Why call it engagement when the Quran uses nikkah to mean marriage?

Because there is a space between engagement (nikah) and marriage (consummation) that Islamic law acknowledges. If the couple separate after the nikah but before the consummation, the Quran requires the man to only pay half the alimony to the woman, while telling the woman and her family that the pious thing to do is to not accept any of the alimony (2:237). Therefore Islam makes it easy to break engagements/nikahs that have not been consummated, similar to the way in the West breaking an engagement is nowhere as serious as a divorce.

The nikah therefore is more correctly called an engagement rather than a marriage. Some cultures do not differentiate between the two, and that is fine, since to them the nikah is always immediately followed by consummation. But other cultures separate the nikah and the wedding and consider the nikah only an engagement. This too is perfectly fine and Islamic law supports them in this, and it is practiced by millions of Muslims, both Sunni and Shia.

Is it permitted to show the neck when wearing hijab?

assalamu aleikum, i heard a lot of women believe Allah told us to cover only our hair, so they wear a turban instead of a full hair, chest and neck covering hijab. do you know which texts these people follow?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

I know of no respectable scholar who permits showing the neck. As far as I know such people are following their own personal preferences. For more on the evidence for the hijab as it is worn by mainstream, conservative Muslims see: Why the hijab is still obligatory (and why it is not only a vestige of 7th century Arabia)

The Islamic ruling on women wearing perfume

Are women allowed to wear perfume?

There is no issue with women wearing perfume before close relatives (those known as maḥrams) and other women. As for women wearing perfume in public, there are differences on it.

The great Maliki scholar Ibn Rushd the Elder (grandfather of Ibn Rushd) permits the wearing of perfume publicly by women provided that her intention is not to attract men’s attention.

Aisha (may God be pleased with her) says:

We were proceeding to Mecca along with the Prophet (ﷺ). We pasted on our foreheads the perfume known as sukk at the time of wearing ihram. When one of us perspired, it (the perfume) came down on her face. The Prophet (ﷺ) saw it but did not forbid it. (Sunan Abi Dawud, Book 11, Hadith 110)

Shaykh Ibn Amin al-Dimashqi has performed a study of the relevant hadith narrations and concludes that the evidence for forbidding women to wear perfume in public is not conclusive and it is contradicted by narrations like the one quoted above.

According to Dr. Ali Gomaa (Grand Mufti of Egypt from 2003 to 2013), it is permitted for women to wear perfume in public as long as the scent is muted and does not attract attention.

Dr. Muḥammad ʿAbd al-Samīʿ (Egypt’s Grand Mufti as of early 2018) has a similar opinion. He also adds that it is recommended for women to use perfume and deodorant if it is necessary for masking body odor in order to avoid disturbing others.

Hating a sibling for abusing her family’s trust

Assalamualaikum. I wanna ask something, how not to hate your own sibling who really made a big mistake that affecting people around her especially our family? I feel really mad at her because she's really made a really huge mistake and also she had misused the trust that we put on her, like my family really trusted her but then a whole thing is a lie. I'm really sad seeing my parents lose their appetite and sleep. I really can't see her face right now but she's my sibling.

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

How you feel is a natural human reaction to that situation. Islam does not expect you to stop being human, it only expects you to keep your impulses under check and to do what you know to be right and kind whether you feel like it or not (to the best of your ability). Just give it time and maybe you will start to feel better toward her, especially if she works to regain your love and trust. If she approaches you and asks to be forgiven and be given another chance, then the pious and admirable thing to do is to accept it and go along with it even if you are still too upset to consider forgiving her.

You may also be interested in this previous answer, it is about parents but it somewhat applies to siblings too: Is it sinful in Islam to not love your parent?

Best wishes.

The ruling on the prayer of an alcohol-drinker

Beginning of summarized translated fatwa from the Jordanian Fatwa Authority

Question: There is a hadith that says the prayer of an alcohol-drinker will not be accepted for forty nights. Should such a person wait for forty days before coming back to the prayer?

Answer: Our advice to this alcohol-drinker is to fear God and to not let the faith he has to die out from his heart. His heart which desires prayer is a believer’s heart which feels the danger [of abandoning the prayer]. As for the hadith on the prayer of an alcohol-drinker not being accepted for forty days, it is narrated by ʿAmr b. al-ʿĀṣ that the Prophet said: “A man of my umma does not drink and have his prayer accepted for forty days.” (Narrated by al-Nasāʾī).

In this hadith there is no prohibition on the alcohol-drinker when it comes to praying. It is actually obligatory on him and required of him. The hadith tells us that he gets no reward from the prayer as a punishment for engaging in such a sinful thing. He is still required to pray and commits a tremendous sin by abandoning the prayer.

End of summarized translated fatwa

Source (Arabic PDF)

On which hour on Friday are prayers accepted?

It's hadith that on Friday there is an hour in which we can ask Allah tala for anything and He will give it us unless we ask for something haram. So, I wanted to ask if the hour is between as and maghrib?

There is a difference of opinion on this matter due to the differences in the hadith narrations, but the most common opinion is that it is the hour before the maghrib prayer.

'Abdullah b. Umar said to me: Did you hear anything from your father narrating something from the messenger of Allah (ﷺ) about the time on Friday? I said: Yes, I heard him say from the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) (these words):" It is between the time when the Imam sits down and the end of the prayer." (Sahih Muslim, Book 7, Hadith 25)

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: Friday is divided into twelve hours. Amongst them there is an hour in which a Muslim does not ask Allah for anything but He gives it to him. So seek it in the last hour after the afternoon prayer. (Sunan Abi Dawud, Book 2, Hadith 659 and al-Nasa'i, Vol. 2, Book 14, Hadith 1390)

According to Imam Ahmad, as quoted by al-Tirmidhi in Sunan al-Tirmidhi (Shakir editition, no. 489):

Most of the hadith narrations on the hour on which the acceptance of prayer is expected say that it after the asr prayer, and that it is [most] expected when the sun starts to get low [when it is close to setting].

According to Ibn al-Qayyim in his Zad al-Ma`ad:

In my opinion the hour of the prayer [i.e. from the Friday call to prayer until the prayer is performed] is also an hour in which the acceptance of prayer is to be expected. Both of them are hours of acceptance, even if the specified hour is the final hour after the asr prayer [i.e. the hour before maghrib] ... because  the gathering of the Muslims, their prayer, their submission and their entreaties toward God will have an effect on the acceptance of their prayer, therefore the hour of their gathering is an hour in which the acceptance of prayer is to be expected.

Can jinns possess objects or show themselves?

assalamu alaykum, can jinns posess inanimate objects like dolls?

Alaikumassalam wa rahmatullah,

As I explain in my answer The Islamic Case for Scientific Empiricism and Skepticism toward Supernatural Phenomena, the Quran’s theology strongly supports having a skeptical view toward supposedly supernatural phenomena, because the Quran often suggests that we will never see evidence for the Unseen world until the Day of Judgment. Anything that is provably supernatural can be said to be evidence for the Unseen, which contradicts the Quran’s position that the Unseen will remain, well, unseen, until the world ends.

From what I gather, jinns have only one power: to inspire thoughts in humans. They have no power over the physical world. In the story of Prophet Sulayman we have mentions of jinns/devils building things for him and carrying out other tasks. That appears to have been an exception that was specifically made for Sulayman, similar to magical-sounding powers he was given by God. There is not the slightest hint in the Quran that jinns can interact with the physical world as a general rule. There are many hadith narrations of varying authenticity that mention the jinns. Some of them fit the Quran’s view that jinns can only interact through inspiration, while others mention them doing physical things. Such hadith narrations should be treated with great skepticism since hadith scholars like al-Bukhari used lax criteria when dealing with hadiths that did not contain legal doctrines. On the issue of jinns interacting with the physical world, since this is apparently against Quranic doctrine, we should demand extremely high standards of authenticity before believing in them (one high standard is to require three separate Companions to transmit the same hadith). I have not done a thorough study in all the main books of hadith, but my short study of some sources did not turn up any hadiths that mention jinns interacting with the physical world that matched the three-Companion standard.

Their ability to inspire thoughts is counterbalanced by God and the angels who protect faithful humans from such thoughts. The farther that a person strays away from God, the more unprotected they become and the more vulnerable to evil inspirations.

The devils inspire their followers to argue with you; but if you obey them, you would be polytheists. (The Quran, verse 6:121)

God is the Lord of those who believe; He brings them out of darkness and into light. As for those who disbelieve, their lords are the evil ones; they bring them out of light and into darkness... (The Quran, verse 2:257)

Some He has guided, and some have deserved misguidance. They have adopted the devils for patrons rather than God, and they assume that they are guided. (The Quran, verse 7:30)

11. They will say, “Our Lord, you made us die twice, and twice you gave us life. Now we acknowledge our sins. Is there any way out?”12. That is because when God alone was called upon, you disbelieved; but when others were associated with Him, you believed. Judgment rests with God the Sublime, the Majestic. (The Quran, verse 40:11-12)

Islam’s solution for a woman who lost her virginity due to rape

If a girl is raped as a child and thereby loses her virginity, then that would make marriage difficult for her later if her future husband values virginity as very important. What is Islams view/solution for this?

I know of no technical Islamic solution for such a situation. There is, however, a spiritual or common sense solution that I am sure many women in such a position already know. A man who firmly believes in human dignity and who sees her as a person rather than an object, and who is willing to think the best of others, will accept her explanation and will not count it against her even if she has no proof she was raped. Of course, many “Muslim” cultures will consider marrying such a woman a questionable thing. This is a case where the most religious can be the most open-minded.

Cultural Muslims who know little about religion and spirituality will judge things according to their cultural traditions (which often value virginity very highly). Spiritual and devout Muslims will judge things according to their religion’s spiritual ideals. From a spiritual perspective, if such a woman’s present manners and reputation support her story, then her lack of virginity is going to be a complete non-issue.

She must share the fact of her lack of virginity with suitors before the marriage, but after she judges that the suitor is worth trusting. She can try to find out each suitor’s mindset and personality. If she discovers that a man is narrow-minded and judges things mostly by cultural tradition rather than spiritual ideals, that is a good indication that she should reject him without sharing her story. Sharing that story puts her in a very vulnerable position (if the man talks to others about it).

So it just depends on the particular man. After getting to know a suitor and speaking to him many times perhaps she will be able to judge whether he is worth trusting. If he seems open-minded and pious, then that indicates that he might be the type of person who will not mind her lack of virginity and who will be willing to accept her as she is.

Dealing with people looking down on housewives

Peace be upon you, I am a Muslim woman living in the West who someday hopes to become a housewife and stay-at-home mom; it's something I'm heavily inclined towards. I've been feeling dejected and humiliated about it since even my well-guided religious relatives look down on me for it and others saying I'll become a heavy burden upon my husband (referring to the need for 2 income families in the west). What do you make of this and is there any supportive or empowering material on this I can read?

This is a matter that has more to do with culture than religion. Islam does not strictly define a wife’s duties, leaving it to each culture to decide what is best. Wives in nomadic cultures have extremely different duties compared to wives in agriculturalist societies, and such women in turn have different duties compared to city-dwelling wives.

Rather than considering it an Islamic obligation to be a housewife, it is best to think of it as a role to be fulfilled if and when necessary. Many wives in the West have part-time jobs since once the children grow up a little there is not much for them to do at home and they find it more enjoyable to have something to do outside.

It is true that legally Muslim men are required to provide full financial support for their families. But that is only the legal structure that can be enforced during court cases. As for the how marriages actually work, that is left to the culture’s own practices and the family’s circumstances. If the only way that the family can get by is if both the husband and wife work, then that is what they should do.

I am aware that the culture promoted today often considers women of little worth unless they have accomplishments. Feminists often define a woman’s worth according to her abilities and accomplishments; more ability and accomplishment equals more worth, which is part of why female CEOs and scientists are so celebrated. But by this same logic, less ability and accomplishment equals less worth. To them therefore housewives are of little worth since they do not aim for (male) accomplishments. In the name of equality they create a world where a woman is wholly judged by how good she is at competing with men. She is not allowed to just be a woman and enjoy her life the way she wants, defining her worth on her own terms. She must define her worth with men as her standard.

Meanwhile, according to Islam a woman’s worth is intrinsic and has nothing to do with competing with men. She doesn’t have to do anything to prove her worth. It is not her abilities or accomplishments that define her worth; it is her dignity as a human and her relationship with God. In Islam all humans start out as spiritually equal, but some attain more worth through their relationship with God. The worthiest people are the most God-fearing, so a saint-like “soccer mom” can be far worthier than a female CEO or world-renowned scientist.

It will do little good to keep telling people that housewives are just as good as everyone else. One person cannot change a culture’s worldview. It is best therefore to respect others’ opinions while keeping your own independence of mind. Insulting others for having wrong opinions only causes them to dislike you. For your own good and the good of those around you, try to fit in and try to avoid unnecessary clashes, while doing what is best for you and your family.

I do not know of any specific supporting materials on this matter. I recommend working on having a close relationship with God (as I describe here), this makes it easier to deal with all of life’s challenges.

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